" LEX! TIME TO WAKE UP! " was the first thing I heard in the morning. Looked at the clock it was 6:50am. I was thinking why I had to wake up so early in the morning on a weekday, then I realized it was time for school! My heart started pounding since I totally forgot about it. I got up, rushed out of bed and went to go freshen up.
I checked my phone and I saw bunches of texts from my friends asking me what I'm wearing. " OMG! I don't even know what I'm gonna wear. " came out of my mouth. I was freaking out because I wasn't prepared for anything. I didn't have my things ready for me to go to school. I felt so out of place. Hello! Wake up call. Today is the day that I start becoming more responsible for my actions. No more " I'm lazy to do my work ", or slacking off.
I went to school, met up with my friend, Leah. We walked around the school to get used to where the buildings are. We stood by G building, just talking. I was so nervous to go to class. Wondering who I could talk to, who I could sit next to, and importantly who I knew. I love meeting new people, but I get so scared to talk to them. " What happens if they don't like me? " keeps popping up in my head when I talk to someone new.
School started, we had CAP first. I went in the class.. " Hi Josh! " was the first thing I said. I remembered him from my elementary days. He was an old friend. It was good seeing him again. It's a good thing that I sat next to him. We caught up with each other. As time went by, it was period 1, media class. I was so anxious to see who the teacher was. I went inside, sat down by Leah and looked around the room. I felt so shy seeing my new classmates. They seemed so scared. Ms. Nishite, I mean.. Mrs. Tomimbang walked in the room.. introduced herself and talked. Time went by again, period 2, Japanese. Sensei ( teacher ) seemed so nice! Well, she is. She looked like she was going to be a fun teacher. I liked my schedule for freshman year. Third period came and I had Mrs. Tomimbang again. I felt weird having her in two classes but I went along with it.
At the end of school, I felt relieved. I wasn't ready for school but I know I had to do good. In the morning, I would always, always, always encourage myself to do better during high school year. Having faith in myself was all I needed. Trusting myself was the most. " Today is the day I grow up, mature myself, and become a better person. "
Hey Lex!
ReplyDeleteI like the idea you used about your first ever day of high school. But try showing more about how you 'came of age'. I see you've talked about becoming more responsible and that's good, but maybe you should talk more about what else you felt that you needed to change about your elementary school days, such as maybe choosing your friends wisely now. In the third paragraph, I see you've talked about how you felt going to your first classes. Maybe you could add a bit more 'word choice' as to what else you felt besides nervous or scared. & do into more detail about what else happened that day and break thee sequencing up into paragraphs. Add in the most important part of that period. Other than that, you're sentence fluency was good. You went from the beginning of the day till the end. Can't wait to see your final. (:
-Melissa Ponce
Lex,
ReplyDeleteGood job on sentence fluency. You organize your paragraphs really well from the beginning where you mention waking up and not being prepared, and later to how you say you want to change yourself and become a better person by being more responsible and take charge fro your actions. One thing i think you should work on is being creative with your words because half of your essay is only telling us a brief description of your day at high school for the first time. Although one big thing, I noticed that you need to fix/work on is how you get to the point on telling us how you have come of age because you seem to only have expressed it in a few sentences on the second paragraph. So, instead of explaining your first day at high school from the classes, to making friends, and meeting old friends, you should talk more about how you woke up wanting to become more mature with your actions, be more responsible with your life, and improve on your academics as well. Overall, good job!