I'm hunter
I'm vigilant
I shoot arrows
Just like my words
It's quick
But it can be deadly
I care for animals
Just like I care for my friends
I'm protective
I'm more active at night
Nature is my comfort zone
But my best feature is
dealing with sickness
and I'm well known for
caring for children.
Hi lex! :)
ReplyDeleteI can definitely see how you related yourself to Artemis. But, while you definitely researched well about your character, I think that you could work on connecting your poem a bit more. You could go with a story type of thing, where you tell a story throughout your poem, or maybe you could use stanzas to separate the different traits that you want to express. Also, I spotted some repetition :) such as the "But it can be deadly"--"But my best feature is" and "Just like.."--"Just like I care.." You could really use those to strengthen your essay! Perhaps separating the poem into stanzas would let you really play with that repetition!
Also, watch out for little mistakes! "I'm hunter" should be "I'm a hunter"
-Leah
Hi Lex,
ReplyDeleteI really like how you used repition in your paragraph. But i do agree with Leah on maybe writing a story and putting it in stanzas as it would put emphasis on your allusion along with your personal story. But other than that you have done a good job with your research and putting it in a poem.
-Brayton
Hi Lex,
ReplyDeleteI agree with your teammates that you did a great job of researching Artemis for your allusion. And I think Leah gave you excellent advice on how to revise the poem. Like she says, we need to see more of the connections between you and your life and Artemis.
You're off to a great start...good luck on your revision!
mrs s