Tuesday, February 8, 2011

My Metaphor Poem - Painting



I am a painting.
I'm colorful and unique
with thousands of words to say.
I have a story behind me,
only the ones who know are the ones
that bother to find out.
If you take a peek,
I have two different sides.
One side I may seem dull
but on the other side, 
I can be cheery and bright.
Looking at me, 
you may see different things
but do you see the real me?
I am a painting.



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3 comments:

  1. SierraFebruary 13, 2011 at 5:46 PM

    I think word choice would make this poem alot stronger,you should add more descriptives about yourself,the comparisons are good,but it could be stronger.The part that says "only the ones who know are the ones that bother to find out."it didnt seem so smooth to read,it should say something like "only the ones who know me,
    know what im about"or something like that.the poem should also end with i am a painting.

    -Sierra:D

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  2. Abby TaylorFebruary 15, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    Hey Lex !*

    Good Job on your poem(:
    There are some few changes that you could make though...
    One of my suggestions about your metaphor poem is, describe yourself of being a painting more. So far you started nicely, but I feel like you could probably add in a little more details about you being a painter.
    Another suggestion is like Sierra said. If you add in more descriptive words in your metaphor poem, then your poem will have more interesting words that catches the readers attention. So add in more of the transition words and more details of you being a painter.
    I do want to say that I think that your poem is really cute and it matches you !
    Very Good and keep up the work(:

    *Abby !(:

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  3. lsueokaFebruary 23, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    Hi Lex,
    Nice job on your poem. I agree with Sierra that you could add more details about yourself.
    I also think that you could make the comparison more unified. For example, when you talk about having "thousands of words to say," it sounds more like a book than a painting. And the part about the "story behind"...a painting is meant to be viewed from the front, rather than the back...so that detail does not work very well.
    So basically, more specific detail about you...and more consistent comparison to a painting.
    mrs s

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